Dear Dad,

As I sit here in the library at Florida State University trying to get an assignment done, there is only one thing on my mind. I keep thinking about my father and how blessed I am to be his daughter. My dad turned fifty yesterday and that number should phase me but it doesn’t. When I think of my dad I think of someone who is hard working, honest, hilarious, courageous, outgoing, sarcastic, adventurous, loving, and everything more that I strive to be in my time on this planet.

I started thinking of my dad because I began to feel insecure for a minute when I looked around at all of the beautiful girls sitting near me. Then I remembered that just yesterday I was telling my dad about how the fraternity boys at University of Florida were so kind to me and his response was,

 “That’s because you’re absolutely beautiful.”

I remembered that my father said this to me and realized that his opinion is the only opinion of a man that has been valid in my life thus far and I am so grateful for that. To know that someone as brilliant as him thinks that I am beautiful is an accomplishment.

I think I have this really awesome ability to let people know I love them but not enough and not in a way that I should. I find myself distant and concerning people with my lack of selflessness. In an effort to gain self-confidence I have lost track of putting forth admiration for others.

So in writing this post I would like to tell my father that I love him.

I would like him to know that everyday I get up and I work hard because that’s what he did and if I grow up to be half as successful as he is, I will have won. When I define successful I mean that my dad is happy, confident, and busy. I strive to be someone who cares so much about others yet still holds a head so high.

Every day I wake up in hopes that I will love someone as much as he loves my mother, brother, and me. I hope that I grow to be as intelligent as him and as willing to listen to others.

Thank you dad, for reminding me that I am beautiful when I feel the complete opposite. Thank you for teaching me how to care. Thank you for showing me what hard work and dedication looks like and for being so accepting of my goals. Thank you for allowing me to go on the journey I am choosing to even if it is a bit unsettling at times. Thank you for being you and helping me to become the best version of myself that I can.

Happy Birthday, I am so glad that I am given another day to love and admire you.

Your daughter,

Savannah Lee

Fake it til you make it?

I wake up and I go on Instagram. I might scroll through Twitter or Facebook. I might get carried away stalking someone’s page and thinking how perfect he or she is. In between classes in college while living my average teenage life, I check up on these sites again… and again…. and again.

This is a daily routine, continuously checking these social media sites and seeing how perfect Alexis Ren’s body looked today, seeing how luxurious Kylie Jenner lived today. It’s a never-ending cycle of striving to look like someone or be someone in this vortex of a new generation.

Today I looked in the mirror and I found myself a little upset. I felt like I wasn’t as beautiful as I should be. My body wasn’t as toned and my skin complexion didn’t look desirable like the girls on my news feed every day. Then I realized that this is all a trap.

You see we have such easy access to these photos where all of these people of all varieties are living their own perfect world. We see how they are living day to day and we read their caption, which confirms the happiness that we see in the photo. It’s dangerous. It is really dangerous.

I shouldn’t be looking at someone’s smile in a photo and thinking “I wish I was as happy as they are in their life.” Maybe two minutes after that photo was taken they had a mental breakdown. There is so much not shared in these photos or tweets or statuses. I think it is so important to be reminded that a lot of what people portray their lives to be are nothing like the reality.

Social media is as fake or real as we choose it to be.

We set up these profiles for ourselves and we take time to edit what we want our world to be perceived as by others. It’s not like it use to be where the first time you meet someone is face to face and that is the first impression. I will have people come up to me often telling me they follow me on Instagram and it freaks me the hell out. It doesn’t freak me out because I don’t personally know them but it freaks me out because I know that they perceive me as this overly happy person who always is walking through life dressed well with good lighting.

I’m not always happy and I take ten minutes to edit my photos before posting the “perfect” image hoping and praying that it will get at least a sufficient amount of likes.

I find myself often talking with friends about how amazing someone is. I talk about how amazing that person is judging by their social media. I might have never met that person in my life but that doesn’t matter because I’ve stalked them enough to know them as an individual via social media. Right?

A person may be exactly who they portray themselves to be on the Internet and they may be completely opposite or similar but hiding a few things. There is so much room for fixing when you take reality to social media and it’s scary how much can be hidden behind a computer screen and how much can be manipulated through pictures and words.

Every day I check my Instagram to see if I have gained a follower or if someone has commented or liked my photo. I check to see if I have any direct messages where people I have never met send me hatred or admiration. I check to see if the girl I wake up every day wishing I looked like still looks just as beautiful. I check to see if the boy who I’ve been crushing on for weeks is still single and still not liking my photos.

Every day I check to see if this fake world is becoming more of a reality and sadly, it is and it is draining.

To look in the mirror and wish to see anything besides the best version of your own self is harmful. To be upset because a person who you have never met and don’t know a thing about looks happier than you in that instant is idiotic. To go to an event and feeling like it only really happened if you got a good Instagram photo is a terrifying new reality.

People will show the world what they chose to show the world. People will judge you and they will decide for themselves if they like what you post, if they relate to it or hate it.

No ones opinion of you or your choices matters. Nothing that you post on social media will define you as an individual unless you want it to. Your thoughts are just as important as the next persons and your face is just as beautiful as it should be because it is you.

I’m not willing to change much about my social media however I can say that there is a lot I have hidden from these sites. I have not chosen to show the days where I can’t get out of bed because I am too depressed. I have taken extra time out of my life to edit photos so that I look as okay as I want to. I will continue to pose a certain way in hopes that my body looks best from that angle. These are all my own personal decisions. I do want my social media to reflect who I am as an individual however there are so many things I have put on the internet that I wish I hadn’t. There are so many times that I have typed something out that I wish I hadn’t.

There is so much imperfection that goes into setting up this perfectly fake world that is becoming a reality. It is okay to be mistakenly real or fake on social media because at the end of the day we are all humans under the same sun and no amount of followers can decrease the importance of your existence.