My name is Savannah Lee. I am an 18 year old college student freshman at Florida State University. I have been experiencing the “college life”, going out with several friends and doing what most college students do. Growing up I have had very informative parents who have never sheltered me in telling me that the world is this beautiful place full of all decently nice human beings. In fact as much as I would like to believe this world is incredibly generous, there is so much bad along with all of the good. Unfortunately some of my friends’ parents haven’t necessarily been as open with them. These friends of mine have no idea what intentions humans are capable of having and that is a very sad thing to me. Some of these friends had no idea that guys would slip a drug into their drink behind their back. These friends didn’t know that you NEED a friend, a good friend, to be around you at all times while you’re drinking. These friends didn’t know that a boy would offer so kindly to take them home and then ditch them in the morning once they got what they wanted. As I have previously mentioned, I am fortunate. I am well aware of these things and I have been cautious for quite some time now. I had a friend come up to me today telling me she had a terrible weekend. She didn’t go to classes yesterday and I was concerned but I figured she was just sick. My friend was raped. She said this:
“It’s fine I’ve told my mom and everything and it’s fine I don’t want to talk about it”.
I’m writing this out of genuine pain. How can someone say, “it’s fine”… Has our generation become so accustomed to such repulsive acts of violence that we see it as okay? No, being taken advantage of is NOT “fine”. No, it is NOT fair. No, it is NOT okay. She claims it was her fault because she drank too much and she can’t even remember the night. HOW is it her fault that a man took her clearly incoherent self to his apartment and used her body as a tool?
I don’t think my writing will suddenly change the world and rape will no longer exist. In fact I doubt the majority of people to read this article will be men. However I will say this, if you are a parent please do as mine did. Tell your kid what is happening. Teach them that not everything in life is a walk of sunshine. Teach them that people can be cruel and that it is SO important especially for women to keep their guard up. Parents to boys, please do your best to teach them respect. As it is a minimal act, make them open doors for women. Allow them to see women as precious and not objects.
When a boy I am not sure of touches me I automatically feel slight discomfort. The thought of someone completely using my body to their disturbing advantage makes me want to throw up.
A few days ago as I left my dorm room a boy who lives in my hall said “Hey nice leggings they accentuate your ass”. I’ve never in my life spoken to this boy. I don’t know what exactly went through his head as he said this. I certainly don’t know who raised him to believe a comment so degrading is okay to say. This one line from this stranger’s mouth ruined my morning. I felt like absolutely nothing for a solid ten minutes. I figured, “Wow this boy sees nothing but my body all because I am dressed in workout clothes before this ballet class”…. I thought to myself “I should’ve worn sweat pants over this leotard instead of leggings.” Are you serious? Why should I have to change my wardrobe just because a boy doesn’t have any sense of respect?
Parents, please talk to your kids.
Kids, I know I am still new to this world and finding my way but it is imperative to keep your guard up and know who is a friend, how to protect yourself, and stay confident.
Women, you are beautiful strong individuals regardless of what some boy down the hall may say to you.
Disrespectful little boys, get your shit together.
Men who are real men, thank you.
savleesickmon 
Hi, I go to FSU too and I really like what you had to say about incidences such as verbal sexual harassment and whatnot that is commonly shrugged off because it is (shamefully) very “typical”. As for your friend, I am so deeply sorry for what has happened to her. I hope that she is able to understand that she is not at fault whatsoever, and she shouldn’t be blaming herself.
FSU’s campus isn’t one of the safest places (especially at night… even more-so if you are a girl and alone), but unfortunately instances like these can and do happen anywhere to anyone.
Thank you for sharing this writing, though. You said that your writing may not be able to suddenly change the world… but writing in the first place is a good place to start. I like to write and blog as well, so I completely understand where you’re coming from.
I hope you continue writing, I look forward to reading more of what you have to say 🙂
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Being vocal about something like this is difficult. You must be strong woman to speak out about this, to be a friend to someone who has gone through this, and to try to make a difference beyond that friendship. I wish you well.
Next time some idiot makes a personal comment like that, get his name and report him for sexual harassment. There is a great story on facebook that went around my friends in which a mom was called to her daughter’s school because she punched a boy. The administrators thought they would be talking to her about her daughter’s violent behavior.
Then they told her that the boy kept grabbing the girl’s bra strap and snapping it, that she asked him to stop numerous times but he would not, and that she then asked the teacher to stop the boy, and the teacher told her to ignore it. The mother asked if they were there with his parents and the teacher because they were concerned that she would file a complaint or a lawsuit against the boy for sexual harassment, his parents for failure to control his behavior, the teacher for failing to control the classroom by stopping unwanted sexual contact from the boy, and the administrators and school board for not taking appropriate disciplinary action.
The thing is, that is the right way to handle something like this. It may make your kids uncomfortable, but what is worse? An uncomfortable, but safe, kid? Or an atmosphere of fear and intimidation by boys which is sanctioned by those in power?
Tell your friend to report the incident. Help her see if she can find one other decent person who is willing to talk about what happened. Tell her not to listen to her mom, but to educate her mom. And then look in your mirror and see someone I admire.
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If writing this reached 5 people and made them think, the you’ve done what’s called a Mitzvah 🙂 Keep believing in yourself.
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I went to FSU before you born, and guys were still idiots. It took me years to find my voice when it came to unwanted advances, but when I did, it was the MOST liberating thing ever. May I suggest that the next time a jerk guy says something like that to you, do the following: stop, turn, give the stare of death (practice in the mirror, it’s fun) and simply say, “I’m sorry, I must not have heard you correctly, because you don’t look like that much of an asshole.” Or create your own version. The right look, the right stance, the right words leave a serious mark on your opponent, and this skill will serve you well not only college, but in life.
And one more thing. Never, EVER, let someone ruin your day with a comment. Or a look, or a sneer, or a laugh. Don’t let them live rent free in your head. As a wise woman told me when I was about your age, you wouldn’t let them in your home, don’t let them in your head. You will be so much lighter and happier and it will drive the haters CRAZY that they can’t bring you down. Which is simply a bonus. Shine ON!
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A well written blog. It’s terrible that this even needed to be said.
I do recommend that you keep an eye on your friend and find the phone number for your school’s crisis counsellors to give to her. Rape can have a profound and long lasting effect on a woman’s self esteem and can lead to more and more destructive behaviors, like excessive drinking, drugs, promiscuity., etc. Please watch for signs of depression, not going to class, excessive sleeping, not taking care of herself etc.
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The goal of society should be for women to be seen as equal to men if different. What the guy did was a crime and he should be punished by law. I agree that girls should be educated and impowered, not afraid and not doe eyed. She made the mistake of getting drunk and trusting someone she likely didn’t know well. What a horrid price to pay. I hope she does not let this vile act define her.
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Savanna Lee
Thank you for taking the time to write this. I hope many parents and young folks understand what you are saying. You continue to give me reasons to greatly admire you.
Pam
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Glad she spoke out for this other girl. So many boys only think about how many they can sleep with. Also girls remember to ALWAYS buddy up with another girl.
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My son is currently at FSU & we have had many talks about appropriate behavior in light of recent headlining events from athletes at that school. He knows the importance of respecting others in order to obtain respect for one’s self. I am thankful that you are taking the time to record your thoughts because sometimes youth need to hear from other youth in order to help a life-lesson stick. There are still nice guys out there, but they are not always in the limelight. Please continue to support your friend and encourage her to talk with a professional when she is able. The damage done goes beyond the physical act of rape; there is an trust/emotional turmoil that still needs to be resolved or else it may interfere with future relationships. Your friend is fortunate to have you on her side!
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You freaking slay.
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such a proud bff, ily !!
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She says she is okay because she knows what is ahead if she reports it! That is the sad reality, not that we have accepted this kind of behavior. Women are still blamed for rape and dragged through the mud when reported. What has to change is the mindset of those in power who can address this. Unfortunately, many are men who think boys will be boys and she must have done something to deserve it. I have had to block a Christian father of a friend of mine WHO HAS A DAUGHTER, as he thinks girls can entice rape by what they wear.
You friend is very luck to have you. Please continue to support her and watch her. She isn’t okay, she is blaming herself and that is the furthest thing from the true. She has no blame and no shame.
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I beg all young girls (and boys) to realize that if you choose to drink and by choice become intoxicated, you WILL lose control of your own faculties. That, BY NO MEANS, excuses the behavior of someone taking advantage of you or vice versa. But you may be with a person who has also lost control of their faculties and together bad things may happen. Please use discipline and good judgement on how you conduct yourself, always, and maintain your own dignity and self control. Do not depend on someone else to maintain your own personal virtue.
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This post is a complete joke. You know who never gets raped ? Girls at home or @ the library. How about you tell your friend to stay away from parties or clubs filled with alcohol and sexually charged males who are there to try to fuck a girl so they can brag to their meathead friends. Does that sound like a safe environment ? Girls always want to play the victim. If you’re so scared of getting raped. Don’t go to places that make it easier to get raped. Do u really expect young boys to stop trying to take advantage of women ?
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@relax
You should stay inside. It’s safer there. If you go outside you could die from exposure or get run over by my car. It’s your fault for being outside KNOWING that there are dangerous people and situations. It’s an unsafe environment. If you just confine yourself you won’t get run over by my car, or anyone else’s.
Flawed. Ass. Logic.
I wasn’t even drinking alcohol when I was drugged and raped.
You’d be surprised.
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Not what I’m saying AT all. By all means. Go outside. Have fun. But if rape is as disgusting and gross as everyone knows it is, why risk it so you can pay for overpriced alcohol, listen to loud music and fight off aggressive, sexualized men. The risk is sooooo much more than the reward. Im not saying stay at home in a bubble, but is a bar/club so exciting that you’ll risk being violated ?
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WRONG. Girls do get raped at home. I had a friend who narrowly escaped rape (saved by her large dog) and all she did was answer her front door in the MIDDLE OF THE DAY. People like you are part of the reason shit like this happens. Just because a woman goes out to have a good time does not mean she deserved to be raped and you’re completely sick for thinking it does.
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Or maybe, just maybe, people (read: rapists) should be held accountable, and this sort of victim shaming should end. Seriously. This, what you wrote, is exactly what we’re talking about when we talk about “rape culture.” Moreover, do you realize how incredibly insulting you are to the millions of men who *aren’t* rapists? You literally just said that we shouldn’t expect “young boys,” (except, you know, we’re talking about grown ass men on college campuses, but whatever….) “to stop trying to take advantage of women.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THAT????
No. Stop. Now.
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@relax
You need to realize something. Rape and molestation, under ANY circumstances, is punishable by law and is a disgusting act of violence and there is absolutely no excuse to subdue ANYONE under your control sexually and abusively.
Why is it that you believe women and girls are second class citizens? Why don’t they get the opportunity to do whatever it is the male does? It shouldn’t matter where they are or who they are surrounded by, if consent of the other party is not given, there should’ve been NO sexual advances.
I am the brother of two sisters. My older sister is a truly gorgeous woman, great body and beautiful face. But she is more than that, she is a mother of three kids. She cooks for them, cleans for them, but she also works everyday to make money for them. She doesn’t have a husband anymore and she doesn’t need one either because she is perfectly capable of taking care of her family. Why does another human think it’s okay to take her strength away?
I also have a little sister. Another beautiful young woman. Jaw-dropping body and a perfect cute-as-a-button face. She turned 18 last year. I remember when I turned 18, I was so excited that I get to go to night clubs, hang out with friends and have a fun time.
By your logic, because they are female, my sisters are forced to experience the world differently from I. I get to go to parties and clubs. I get to drink alcohol. I get a free pass in life because I was born with a penis. My sisters, on the other hand, need to stay indoors, they need to stay home or at the library. But if you continue with this PRIMITIVE logic, you’ve made women second to a man. You’ve given all men a “Get out of jail free card” and told them if you want a woman and she’s had a couple drinks or she’s dancing dirty, you can just have her. You’ve taken everything we’ve fought for away and have set us back to a time when women weren’t allowed to vote or when women were abused because their husband was the “man of the house”.
That’s not who we are as people anymore. That’s not who we are as a nation anymore. We finally have women leaders and soldiers in the world. We have fought to hard for this equality. So why do you think it’s okay for any human to take someone else’s dignity away? Why do you think it’s okay for any human to take someone else’s ability to consent away? IT IS NOT OKAY. It’ll never be okay, under any circumstances!
As for women wanting to “play the victim”, according to the Oxford dictionary a “Victim” is a person who is harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime. So, at a legal standpoint, you could call her a victim. From an personal standpoint, I don’t believe any woman who has been raped is a victim! I believe them to be fighters! They fight everyday with the memory of a brutal attack. They fight everyday with the fear of it happening again. They even fight everyday to find the strength to just keep living. That makes them fighters! They may not have had the physical strength to stop their rapist, but the people who have been raped are definitely stronger than them.
We, as a society, determine what is right and wrong. So it is our duty to spread the word that Rape is never right! Tell people there is no excuse and there is no circumstance that dignifies rape!
Learn- Teach- Repeat!
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Can we all be adults here and have REAL conversations. Not the fake, idealistic and politically correct bullshit. 70% of rapes occur from 8 pm to 6 am. 40% of rapists are intoxicated. That means if you’re going out, your chances go way up. So either stay home or go with a large flock for protection. Is that fair to women ? No. But its the truth. I know what the world should be : women should have the opportunity to go out without being bothered by creepy guys looking to add to their body count. But that’s not going to happen. Doesn’t mean we should stop trying to educate people, but its a problem that won’t go away. So, please minimize the risk of something happening to you. People don’t go to the hood and ghetto, because they understand the chance of dying goes up. I never hear ” Well, we should get to go to the hood. Its our right. Those gangs need to behave”. Take your life and your vagina more seriously
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